- The Lens of Personal Perspective: Every one of us interprets the world through a unique lens, shaped by our past experiences, beliefs, and desires. Because of this, we don’t see events objectively; we see our story about those events. Our first instinct is always to justify our position and find reasons that confirm our pre-existing narrative.
- The Attachment to “Self”: The mind is inherently attached to the idea of “me” and “mine.” It uses this idea as a reference point for everything. To protect this sense of self, we then build and defend our identity , the collection of roles, relationships, and beliefs we call “I.” This includes:
· What we do: “I am a doctor,” “I am a successful entrepreneur.”
· Who we know: “I am a parent,” “I am a loyal friend.”
· What we believe: “I am a generous person,” “I am a realist.” - The Birth of the Ego: This process of identification is what creates the ego. The ego is not a thing, but a process, it’s the mental activity of claiming, “This job is my success,” “This criticism of my family is an attack on me,” “My opinions are who I am.” We fuse our sense of self with external objects and internal concepts.
The Path to Freedom
Your solution is perfectly stated:
- The Freedom in Release: You are absolutely right. The moment you loosen your grip on one of these identities, for example, if you lose the job you were attached to, or you consciously stop identifying so strongly with a role—the things related to it lose their power to disturb you. The suffering wasn’t in the event itself, but in your attachment to the identity it supported.
- The Tricky Mind and the Power of the Pause: The mind’s constant chatter is the engine of this entire cycle. It tells stories, justifies actions, and reinforces identities. Therefore, the way out is not to fight the mind, but to pause and create space from its thoughts.
How to “Pause the Thoughts” : Practical Steps
Your instruction to “pause the thoughts” is the key. Here are ways to actually do that:
· Practice Mindfulness: Instead of trying to stop thoughts, simply observe them without judgment. Sit quietly and notice your thoughts like clouds passing in the sky. You are the sky, not the clouds. This creates a gap between “you” and your thinking mind.
· Use the Breath as an Anchor: When you feel caught in a cycle of justification or defense, bring your attention to your breath. Feel the physical sensations of inhaling and exhaling. This immediately pulls you out of the mental drama and into the present moment.
· Question Your Thoughts: When a strong justifying thought arises (“I’m right because…”), gently ask yourself:
· “Is this thought absolutely true?”
· “How does holding this belief make me feel?”
· “Who would I be without this thought?”
· Catch the Trigger: Notice the moments when you feel the need to defend yourself or your attachments. That feeling of tension is the signal to pause before you react.
